The Nekked Lizards

Yes, that's me in the little pictures...

My fan mail has increased since I have shared a couple of exploits with you. This should help in keeping our local postal service in business for a while until they (the government) can work out some sort of postal reform bill. Until then, I am doing my part by providing insightful news of my exploits. however, the fan mail is not without controversy.

It would seem that there are some that have disengaged from my reality and do not subscribe to its authenticity. One reader questions the validity of my caricature in the pictures because they are small. There is a good reason for this and I will attempt to explain it in the most simplest of terms.

The pictures were taken by my sherpa.

Since my son Poot is more or less unable to keep up with my physical endurance, it is no surprise that I needed someone else to assist me in those adventures that require photographic proof. Through a website called SherpaMatch.com, I was able to obtain the services of someone who would be a guide, confidant, bodyguard, and pack-mule all in the same tidy package. Hence the necessity of the sherpa, I will call TooluToolu. The problems with sherpas is that there is a weight limit on what they can carry.

TooluToolu does a good job with many things but if I want a second piece of baggage, I have to pay an extra $25. I did help consolidate most of my things into a more compact duffel, as this one did not have a fold-out table.

So when inventorying the necessary items for our treacherous hike and adventure photo opportunities, we are limited in our weight. A full size SLR camera is not practical as it adds weight to the back of my closest friend. I couldn't live with myself if he ended up having spinal surgery - especially with the little I am obligated to pay him. So we collectively decided to use his cell phone with built-in camera to capture the moments. Here is another of him that I caught as we were hiking up a very dangerous cliff face. I was pretty tired after we got to the top.
 

TooluToolu is only happy to assist me in my quest, but our time was limited and he needed to get back to his union - Local UAW 672. He did agree to take a few more shots of me while on my journeys. Here is one of me contemplating life on the top of the world... well, it was really high. 

 

So for all of those nonbelievers who see but don't appreciate the shear beauty of the world as I capture it on a 2"x2" screen (and send it to my email account), I offer this proof that these are in fact me during a time of self-enlightenment and reflection. I will continue to offer a comprehensive understanding of the world through my eyes and will share it with you so that all may benefit from my simplistic and humble views. So keep the fan mail and comments coming. I will try to answer as I can, but understand I do all of my own stunts and write all of my own responses, so it may take a while to get back to you. Thank you for being you.... your humble servant... NLM

Anatomy of a puzzle

Poot and I went camping this weekend. We left the arid temperature of 98 degrees about 2pm on Friday afternoon and drove an hour an a half to an altitude of about 8,600 above sea level - a wonderful state park. NLL was working, but planned to come up Saturday for the expressed reason of accompanying us on a hike. Here is a pic.

But before we get to the hike, which requires physical exertion - we first attempted the stimulating the mental capacity - by purchasing 10 puzzles of varying difficulty - in one box! Here is the stunning play-by-play on putting together a puzzle....

Notice the most important part is emptying the pieces onto a level, somewhat clean surface area. That was my job. Then I flipped all 500 pieces to reflect some non-sensical pastel gibberish.
 
With my job mostly complete, I now must chronicle the event. I do that by taking pictures and suggesting where a piece might fit.

This is crucial, as I must now focus on firing up the grill for some camping cheeseburgers.

Notice the meticulous dexterity of our hero...

Several hours later, after I return from a mini-hike, then wake up from a nap, I find Poot listening to self-help enlightenment - encouraging confidence through a serene ambiance.... (right....)...

Without the benefit of sleep or food, Poot perseveres and finishes the first of SEVEN puzzles in just over 48 hours. It is obvious here we did eat standing up or outside.... Here is the finished project.

My job was to preserve the masterpiece by applying glue so we could move it and start another.

By the way - the weather temps were still inthe upper 90s throughout the next few days. Poot and I enjoyed the mid 70s with crisp 50s at night. Oh how I love camping....

Poot goes to camp

Each year, we attempt to interrupt Poot's post school, summer agenda of eating, sleeping in late, staying up all night and forgetting to take baths. He has been out of school since the end of May and the funk of a teenager has overwhelmed his room, turning it into an eternal bog of stench (see Labyrinth with David Bowie).

This year, we sent him to his summer camp by way of Yellowstone. This is by far the furthest distance and the longest time he will be away from home. The camps themselves are a great way to get away form parents - and is sponsored by the University of Colorado at Boulder. On this 10-day trek, he is going on the Yellowstone Wolf Trek. Here is the description if you don't click on the link...

 
See? That is a Grizzly bear in the distance. That is the picture they put on the exciting camp description. Today, according to the itinerary, he is supposed to be looking at wildlife.

Up at dawn with our spotting scopes, the anticipation of seeing a wolf or a grizzly in the wild is all you’ll need to stay warm! We’re sure to spot these grand predators, and perhaps see a bison or elk kill, where wolves and bear trade skirmishes over territory. We’ll explore an abandoned wolf den, visit the holding pens where wolves were first reintroduced 13 years ago, and hear stories about the latest interactions unfolding within the wolf packs. The reintroduction of gray wolves, while mostly successful, has resulted in bringing a more balanced ecosystem, yet is not without controversy. In Mammoth Hot Springs we’ll be outfitted for a guided horseback ride into wolf country followed by an exuberant rafting trip on the Yellowstone River. We’ll visit Yellowstone Falls, numerous geothermal features including Old Faithful, and travel through what was once some of the most fire-ravaged sections of Yellowstone. The journey comes to a close camping near the Tetons and exploring its geology while paddling lake kayaks.

So there you have it. I sent him off with a big bag of gear, warm clothing and a book. He is not allowed an IPod, or any other gaming device. He does have binoculars and a camera. I hope he uses both. The cap director said that no news is good news. I am due to pick him up next Friday. I intend to wash the pile of clothes in his room and burn a few incense in his honor. NLM

Going hiking

It was a nice day today, not too cold, not to hot. We decided to go for a hike since it is my job to protect others from harm, which entails doing things individuals in their right minds (or wrong) should not do. So as you view this next photo of me on the outcropping, keep in mind that you as a novice are not advised to do - so says the lizard.

By the way, I lost my sunglasses just after this was taken.... NLM 

Golden State Park, CO - part III

We once again left our heroes on a trail somewhere in a state park near Golden, Colorado. "Hey!," I bet most of you are saying, "Isn't that where they make beer?" Why yes it is and I was really wanting to find that beer stream they get the frosty brew out of - as I was out of water. I knew we were close though. I could hear baby screams and dogs barking in the distance - a sure sign of a relaxing family weekend. Poot trudged on.
He checks on me every once in a while ( I have the truck keys)....
Once, we were ready to pounce on an unsuspecting mountain biker, but Isabelle warned the lady before we could spring the trap. ..
All in all a good hike.
Once we found our truck and watched with humor as family's with small children in tow - began skipping down the same trail from which we just emerged, we went back to the campsite for lunch. this time, we treated ourselves to creamed corn and cream of mushroom soup with chips and salsa. After packing it on and washing it down with green tea, we laid down for a brief siesta.

Unfortunately, we were all hiked out after that and ended up playing board games and reading more, which seemed more relaxing. The wind picked up and we got an afternoon shower and the temperature began to drop. Again, we drifted off to sleep about 9:30pm.

The morning ritual of packing up and leaving our site was complete in under an hour and we were on the road home by 09:00. Everything was as it should. We topped off our fuel, set the Nuvi to "go home" and planned on being home in time for the Broncos to play at 14:00.... then Poot calls out, "Second Urge".... It was going to be a long trip....

Golden State Park, CO - part II

We left the comforts of our pop-up for adventure - to quench the wanderlust that is embedded in our very souls... to experience nature and all she can offer. We wondered how far we would had to drive to get there.

Poot went inside to discuss our options with the park ranger-lady. He came out and suggested we stick to the Raccoon trail - one of moderate stress that boasted of a 2.5 hike. Since I forgot my hiking shoes, I agreed. We both had a bottle of water each and some emergency food (a Baby-Ruth and a Reece's Cup). We also brought along a water dish for Isabelle. The trail proved smooth and technical with a splash of beauty and solitude. We also saw some mutations of nature....
With Isabelle in the lead, we went up and down and around, taking breaks and snapping pictures.

  We came upon the following area named "Panorama Point". We could see for miles.

You might notice a little snow on top. We knew we might be on our last camping trip... After an hour, we began to wonder where the trail was leading us. Poot assured me we did not take a wrong turn - ending up on "Mountain Lion" or "Black Bear" trail. 

We took turns letting Isabelle lead. Her ears were peaked for the sounds of nature to include those that tormented her from above. On occasion, a chipmunk (knowing full well she was on a leash) darting directly on the trail just in front of her, only to dash off to the side. Isabelle would spasm, convulse and have a seizure, all in the name of the hunt.

In the photo above, my but is not that big. I have a fanny pack on. Soon after, I took the flannel-quilted shirt off altogether.

We checked and rechecked our map and saw we were close to camp once again. Our plan was to eat lunch, nap then go back on a second hike. I am seen here contemplating our afternoon plans.

Did we make it back alive? Check back tomorrow to see.... NLM

Artifact Alert!!

We interrupt our previously programmed series of "It's A Wonderful Camping Life: What Not To Do..." with this announcement.

Normally, on Tuesdays (pending weather, work, special engagements) the Red Rock Ya-Ya's go for a morning walk and gossip chatter talk about secret women stuff that men would rather not know of. The walks would be anywhere from 1 to 3 miles depending on terrain. The group is anywhere from 3 to 7 of the neighborhood female gender-hood. Last week, the team hiked the well-groomed trails of Jackie (if I use her real name, you will never know so it really doesn't matter...) It was all the rage.

This week, NLL led the procession on the trails constructed under the sweat and constant pain of NLM (yours truly). I will be the first to tell you the trails need a lot of work. However, I maintain they sport a rustic character one can appreciate - especially if you are a whiny city poof.

We've had a little rain recently and as the ya-ya's were traversing the gullies and arroyos, NLL comes across a most interesting piece of nature - manufactured by a people many years ago. As it was reported by those that did not find the arrowhead, the sight of NLL bending over, then jumping up and down, then whooping was quite a sight - frightening at first due to the possibility of dangerous wildlife in the area. Was it a snake? A tarantula? No - it was a rock.....

As you view the picture, you'll see two arrowheads. The left was one we found when we first moved here four years ago.

The specimen on the right, though smaller is a better, more defined example of native ingenuity. We have read this valley was once a campsite for the Native American Utes - a hunting ground hundreds of years ago. Since rocks are basically old, it is hard to tell where on the time-line the arrowheads were carved.

Needless to say, the ya-ya's were impressed and though the Nekked Lizard trails were not concrete or laid with asphalt, they were the talk of the moment. What is funnier still is the sight of 5 women with their heads bowed in silent contemplation as each attempted to find their own prize. Better go for now - going to check EBay.... NLM

Golden State Park, CO - part I

Picking up again where we left off....

Our high-tech navigation system led us directly to the Visitor's Center at the south entrance to the park. It was closed. There were no people there. It had just rained and as it was getting close to dusk, it was also a little spooky with menacing tall trees and - did I mention no people or signs of people at all? I thought to myself, "this would be the beginning of a horror film" Maybe the "Nekkid Lizard Witch Project" Anyway, we get out and make our way up the mossy, damp walk-way where we found a faded "You Are Here" map and realized why we were the only ones there. We were no where near the campsite...

According to the map, we needed to travel another 4 miles west, 4 miles north, and 3 miles east to Reverend's Ridge Campground. We did see a shortcut that would take us due north, but it had a disclaimer that began with... "Warning, this road has a 19% grade and not recommended for RVs of any size due to extremely steep grades and tight curves." I was thinking about the adventure of it all, but I figured I should be the responsible adult here and take the safer route...

It was just about dark when we arrived - we found our site, backed in and proceeded to unload, hook-up, raise and other wise un-pack the popup for the night. After we pulled the truck away and was settled inside, we found there was no yard pump for water nearby. Luckily we had bottled water. I sent Poot into the night with a 5-gallon jerry can for sink water and he came back with 1.5 gallons.

Isabelle and Poot are shown here after making their bed. She wanted to play. She does not take "no" for an answer. We found ourselves winding down and tired after the day's activities. I looked up from my book and saw Poot sound asleep. It was 9 pm.

The next day (Saturday) we awoke to a crisp morning - we were at 9,180 feet and I had 2nd Urge. Once we had our breakfast of beans (baked) and Reese's Cups, we were ready for the first hike of the day. The following picture is one I took at the beginning of our 2.5 mile hike.

Tomorrow you'll see the trail that were lined with Aspens and Pines. NLM

We're Back....

As we left off last Friday, our heroes were on their way to west of Golden, CO for a camping trip. I (Nekked Lizard Camper Man) picked up Poot at school with the truck full of a few supplies and the popup in tow. It was later realized, I neglected to bring a lot of food. We also forgot a few other things, but then,.. we were camping. This is only natural. We did have a full tank of gas and the address of the campsite. I plugged the address into the Nuvi 300 GPS whizo navigating gizmo and off we went... directly into heavy Friday afternoon gridlock traffic.

But that did not dissuade our heroes. Other things did, but not traffic. One of those things I will name "1st Urge". This is a term I am trying to teach Poot in order for me to plan our exit (off ramp) strategy. 1st Urge is the initial feeling you have when your bladder alerts you that there is a significant liquid buildup - which could be evacuated if given the chance. Poot decides during the heaviest traffic snafu to let me know he was in 2nd Urge - (never letting me know he had thoughts of 1st Urge).

2nd Urge is of course a more powerful yearning to release the bodily function, but not enough to pee in a cup while traveling 75mph down an interstate. The urge is accompanied by constant eye-rolling and squirming and body repositioning in an attempt to redirect gravity. It rarely works. I reluctantly began looking for an exit.

3rd Urge is the gray area in which very few people progress to, but always tout they are willing to accomplish if an immediate opportunity does not present itself. The two choices are: 1) I will pee in my pants or 2) I will drop my lower garments and pee in front of the world - I don't care.... Luckily we did not experience either one. We found the exit and after a very goofy and somewhat pitiful run to the gas station store, Poot makes it to the public (yet private) restroom and relieves himself of all excess Dr. Pepper.

We are already behind schedule. Our GPS predicts our trip will take 2.5 hours - let me tell you now, it took four. Tomorrow, I will tell you why. In the next few days, you will see from the pictures, the trip was worth it. Until then, always remember to go when you feel first urge. Your friends and family will appreciate it.... NLM

Camping 101 - the first of 2008

Our first camping trip was a bust overall. We had some moments, but they were dashed and blown away with the wind.... literally. We had planned our trip to the Great Sand Dunes of Colorado months ago, because, well you have too. It was Memorial Day weekend and it would be full (which it was). However, we couldn't predict the weather as so many are aware of, with all of the fantastic and devastating storms around the nation and world.

One thing about the first trip of the season is: don't go more than overnight for the preflight, and don't take your son's best friend - for the first time... We have a pop-up which is a good size for 4, IF you can get outside to stretch. As I mentioned the weather did not cooperate. We left Thursday afternoon for the three hour trip and set up for the evening, in the wind. The clouds were dark and did I mention the wind?

Friday, we began to think of and list everything we forgot. Poot neglected to bring warm clothes. After the initial inventory, we travel into Alamosa to Walmart and noting the evening's possibilities. There was a theater and Indiana Jones started at 8:10pm - pretty late for a small town.

We then went to the Sand Dunes. This is an amazing place. It is 30 square miles of sand dunes!. Look at the pictures!




















These are the stock photos from the website. Once we get ours downloaded we will put up more. The boys played in the area while the adults went to the vistor's center. We went back to the camper and I had a little homework to do. We decided to go to see Indy Jones after all. I needed to post to class and needed Internet so found a coffee shop in town. Afterward, we went to the sold-out show and then got back to camp about 11pm. The wind was still howling.

Saturday, the boys and I attempted to climb to the peak. It was incredibly windy. The sand torn at our skin and was cold. We went as far as we could, took some pictures and came back down. There is also a phenomenon called the Surge Flow which is an incredible feat of nature. Click on the link for info.


This is not a discouraging post. I love the sand dunes and we plan on going back. It is a marvel and one of those best kept secrets. However, the weather was not cooperating. After another trip to the visitor's center, we decided to cut our loses and pack up for home. The boys went to see the Bee Movie and we picked them up on the way out. The wind pushed us all the way home.

The Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve is a wonderful vacation trip, but pack everything you need. The town of Alamosa is small and offers little in chain restaurants other than Chili's. Oh and there is a wonderful train ride from Alamosa too. We will tell you that story and a little later.
Happy Camping! NLM