The Nekked Lizards

This is an economic lesson

Everyone is cutting corners and trying to do more with less. We have too much on our plates to do no less. This will be the last posting unless I receive $100,000 in support so I can blog full time. I am currently working full time, volunteering for the county's Search & Rescue, riding my Harley and trying to keep up with normal household chores to include landscaping and driving the youngest to all of his school outings.

Don't get me wrong. I have had fun and wish I could do this full time, but finances don't allow for such folly. However, if you are ever in Canon City, Colorado and driving on Hwy 50 through town, you can find me at Veteran's park feeding the pigeons near the amphitheater. There is a large gray trash can nearby which is where you can drop off the money. I will be waiting. Nekkid Lizard Man

Expiration Dates... yeah, like I believe that...

I am not a big fan of expiration dates. I recently began chewing on cold medicine that had expired in 2002 - big deal. I am over my cold. I have lots of medications that I will save for a rainy day since I never use up the treatment tomes.  I also don't automatically throw out food or other supplies just because it "expires" at midnite. I don't believe it. I think its a way for the Man to sell more of his goods - if nothing expired, we'd have a surplus. As it is the local dump miester - if brave enough - can filter through our trash and never have to worry about prescription meds again. I also have some backing in this. the following article shows just what a conservationists I am. ...

Ignore Expiration Dates
"Best by," "Sell by," and all those other labels mean very little.
By Nadia Arumugam
Updated Wednesday, Feb. 17, 2010, at 10:18 AM ET

There's a filet mignon in my fridge that expired four days ago, but it seems OK to me. I take a hesitant whiff and detect no putrid odor of rotting flesh, no oozing, fetid cow juice—just the full-bodied aroma of well-aged meat. A feast for one; I retrieve my frying pan. This is not an isolated experiment or a sad symptom of my radical frugality. With a spirit of teenage rebellion, I disavow any regard for expiration dates.

The fact is that expiration dates mean very little. Food starts to deteriorate from the moment it's harvested, butchered, or processed, but the rate at which it spoils depends less on time than on the conditions under which it's stored. Moisture and warmth are especially detrimental. A package of ground meat, say, will stay fresher longer if placed near the coldest part of a refrigerator (below 40 degrees Fahrenheit), than next to the heat-emitting light bulb. Besides, as University of Minnesota food scientist Ted Labuza explained to me, expiration dates address quality—optimum freshness—rather than safety and are extremely conservative. To account for all manner of consumer, manufacturers imagine how the laziest people with the most undesirable kitchens might store and handle their food, then test their products based on these criteria.

With perishables like milk and meat, most responsible consumers (those who refrigerate their groceries as soon as they get home, for instance) have a three–to-seven-day grace period after the "Sell by" date has elapsed. As for pre-packaged greens, studies show that nutrient loss in vegetables is linked to a decline in appearance. When your broccoli florets yellow or your green beans shrivel, this signals a depletion of vitamins. But if they haven't lost their looks, ignore the printed date. Pasta and rice will taste fine for a year. Unopened packs of cookies are edible for months before the fat oxidizes and they turn rancid. Pancake and cake mixes have at least six months. Canned items are potentially the safest foods around and will keep five years or more if stored in a cold pantry. Labuza recalls a seven-year-old can of chicken chunks he ate recently. "It tasted just like chicken," he said.

The government flow chart

Our search for a missing Florence woman - factual

Saturday the 23rd was two weeks to the day she had been missing. She had left no note or said any goodbyes. The local liquor store said she bought a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 and a fifth of whiskey. She had never drank anything before in her life. That was the last time anyone had reported seeing her.

The first sign of her disappearance was when she did not come to church the next day. After a brief search, they found her car parked near the river with her wallet and keys still there. On the shore there were slippers and the two empty bottles of alcohol. The authorities were called and Fremont Search and Rescue was put on standby.

The team began its search in earnest early the next day. Other local agencies were there as well to include her family, friends and others that knew her. Her mother and two sisters joined in on the search. Her son, who is serving in Iraq, was notified and paperwork was submitted as necessary to get him back home.

The Arkansas River is flowing but chunks of ice and temperatures not rising about the 40s made the search tough, but not unbearable. Missing for three days now, there was speculation of foul play, running away, or an accident. No one wanted to believe she committed suicide. But the family needed closure.

They did not get that. With hundreds of agencies and volunteers, to include two search planes and dogs, she eluded everyone. A sweater identified as hers was found down river. The search concentrated in and around the banks. The shorter days and cold temperatures eventually re-classifed the search and rescue to search and recover. The effort was officially called off Friday the 15th though unofficially, many did not give up. We were one of those groups. 

My designation in Fremont Search and Rescue is as a Swift Water Tech. I hate this time of year. The water is beyond cold - a bone chilling, body core dropping sensation that I do not like. And yet, I volunteer for this torture... so yesterday, Saturday the 23rd, we meet at the Fremont Sheriffs Office, check in, grab our gear to include the boats and head out. We get to our "put-in" point and establish our plan. It takes the three SWTs 30 minutes to get into our gear. Chris (our lead) has a dry suit, fully enclosed to include booties. I put on my dry suit - but my feet are exposed. I put on neoprene booties and wet water boots - so my feet will still be wet. Jody, our RN, has a wetsuit on. If anyone has to get into the water for any period of time, hoped it would be Chris or myself. 

We have underwater cameras. Chris takes the Calabra (a pontoon-type raft) along with T.J and Cheryl to operate it. Jody and I are to take the two-man 'duckie", an inflatable kayak. The plan is to slowly float from highway 115 where it meet the river in Florence as far as we can get before nightfall.

Jody and I took off first and hit rapids immediately. I take off my gloves because they are wet and useless at this point. Ice is on the banks and on the tree limbs touching the rolling water. We find plastic bags that we thought might be clothing. We travel from one side to the other, paddling and fighting the obstacles. The Calabra is behind us following the deeper water with the camera.

After about 20 minutes we see a fork in the river. Jody and I are contemplating which way to go. Chris' boat needs to go river left due to the deeper water. Jody and I paddle like crazy to make it to the right side where we shot down another wash. Jody points out yet another stream going to the right. "My dad and I walked this area last week - beaver dam at the end," she said. We begin to hit bottom. We get out and portage a short distance. She spies a white object in the river. It appeared too square, but we check it out anyway. She wades out and picks up the back of a plastic lawn chair. We haul the duckie back into the water and see Chris and his crew pass us on the far left. We hop in and begin to paddle again.

Jody is in front as a scout and I am at the stern paddling and steering. I gave her a full face neoprene ski mask for warmth. When she spoke, she had to push it down so I could understand her. She could hear me fine. I see we are again about to hit a sharp curve in the river and at that very point there is a huge fallen tree with its trunk sticking out. If we don't take immediate action, we would end up sideways and with our luck as a team (she dreads floating with me) would tip over. I shout "hard left!" and she complies with her paddle. I am digging in and we barely make it past the limbs.

Looking just past our narrow escape, I see her... the missing woman. Jody does too. She shouts (muffled with the mask). I shout at the same time, "we've got her - on the right!" And there she was. Her back was facing us, jack-knifed on her side, her arms over her head. It seems she rolled into the position and was caught on the rocky bank. We paddled to shore and shouted to Chris and the team. We secured the duckie to the shore and made our way to the lady - missing for two weeks. We found her.

The day before (Friday) her son had arrived from Iraq. There was a memorial service planned for her the following Monday. Most had concluded she died in the river. It was a way of saying goodbye, but without the certainty that you get by touching someone for the last time during the service. This lady was once full of energy. She had friends and family, but something went wrong. She had given up and only a shell of her former self remained. We thought out loud maybe this was an accident... maybe she just slipped and fell, clinging to another scenario.

Jody and I knew the importance of leaving the body where it lay. It as not only respect for the body, but state law requires the county coroner to direct the removal of a body unless safety demands otherwise.

She wore jeans and socks. A watch was still on her wrist. Her bra was still on, but an overblouse was coming off due to the force of the river - at the end of her arm. Her hair was obscuring her face, which was still under water. I realized this was my biggest concern. The struggle I would have once we turned her over - how she would look. Ice surrounded her and her hand were a mottled white. The once fuzzy socks were now covered in a green moss.

We found her at 10:45, a little less than half a mile from where we started. The currents and holes in the river may have hidden her body from previous searchers. I thought she had been there for at least a day by the way her jeans had dried out on top and the shape of her body.

We communicated by radio to give our code of our discovery, then went immediately to cell phones. We called in the coordinates and then waited. It took over two hours for the coroner to get there, and we never found out why other than mis-communication between who was on call. We had assistance from the Dept of Wildlife, the Canon City PD, and the Florence FD. There was no media and no onlookers. Fewer than 20 people were at the sight and most of them were on the shore awaiting us to bring her across. Jody and I ferried people across for the better part of the day for various reasons.

Jody, Carlette the local coroner, James from CCPD, Zach from DOW, Chris and I retrieved the body after pictures were taken. Now was the moment of truth. I was stationed at her head. As we rolled her over, I followed her head until the hair fell away and saw her face. Her eyes were closed and a peace was there. Her soul no longer remained and before us was just a reminder of a person who left this earth before her time. But now the family would have closure. The memorial service was not a fleeting attempt to say goodbye. 

We placed her in a yellow mesh zip bag, and transferred her into the duckie. Jody & I guided her down the river to the awaiting agencies. We were cold and exhausted. After the lady was placed in the awaiting ambulance for her trip to the funeral home, we brought the boats up to the trailers. My feet were about to fall off. Another member of the team helped me get my boots off and pealed away my socks. My toes were mottled and blue. I couldn't feel them, but walking hurt for some reason.

We packed up, drove back to the Sheriffs Office and unloaded. I started to get a tingle back into the toes and hopeful no amputations were in my future. The team did well. No, they did great. Always professional. They are some of the greatest people to work with - even so as they are all volunteers. I am proud to be a part of the organization.

I am linking the story here, though the reporter didn't quite get all the facts straight. For one thing the header saying "police" found her is absolutely wrong. The other guy that said, "I knew it was her" wasn't even there... at least I dont' remember seeing him. Maybe he was. My feet were now speaking for me. Oh well, such is how a story plays out. I know this was long but felt the need to discuss it. See you in a couple of days. NLM

Political Humor

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Washington DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of air and to see the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the US House of Representatives for assistance.
 
The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Speaker Pelosi. How might I help you?"
 
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"
 
Speaker Pelosi, considering herself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk,  "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
 
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to first notify the next of kin."

Government and healthcare.

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet.


When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.  Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here's the patch.  Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

Are you living in 2010?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...
      
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
      
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
      
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
      
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you..
      
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses   ..
      
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
      
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
      
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
      
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
      
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
      
12.. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
      
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
      
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
      
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Short absence

There has been so much going on this week, that computer access is at a minimum. Motorcycle rides, touring the Royal Gorge Bridge, Cripple Creek... and the wondrous world of flight - at the expense of the recent snow storm in the north east. I hope to be back. Then we can discuss amongst ourselves.

Christmas tree search - somewhere in Colorado

There was less drama this year, but not without a few scary moments. We are somewhere in the mountains of CO, within the Bureau of Land Management area armed with saws, a tape measure, some rope, and one ski pole. We also had hand held walkie talkies, but forgot to charge them. Never fear, we brought the cell phone - but had no service. This was going to be fun.

We did bring the camera to document the event. I did have a GPS to tell us where we weren't.

We were definitely not in a crowded area. The next few pics just show Poot searching out for the best tree. It is hard to tell what looks good when it is so cold outside.

 

He is using the one ski pole - it's only fair.

The key to finding the perfect tree is to go very far in the woods where no one has ventured before.

We settled on one pretty close to the road. 

After we initially measure the tree and cut it down, thus mitigating for late summer wildfires, we must now measure it again. I have a six foot bed. I am pretty sure we have a 9 foot tree. We proceeded to deliver the tree home without incident by taking the backroads and avoiding all law enforcement.

Until next year - when we are more prepared.... Merry Christmas tree!

Denver and the Nekked Lizard.

Hard to believe it, but my government needs me! Last Friday, my boss informs me that my pressence was requested by the Attorney General's office, just across the street from the state capitol. My current profession lends to certain materials that are important to a state legal case, so my documentation over the past 2 years may finally mean something to someone. 

So I park two blocks away and pay my $10 (which I hope is reimbursed) and walk in the 7 degree/snowy weather. I spend about 3 hours talking to three lawyers about my job, which is actually impressive to those that don't know me. Unfortunately, my ease of articulation may have been my undoing. They suggested I might be called as a witness for the state! As everyone considers this, let's take another look at the capitol...

This one is different, because now I am in the car and driving....Not bad for hanging a camera out a window...

Anyway, they said they will consider what will be best for the case (I hope it doesn't involve me) and hopefully, we'll see the case go before the Federal judge in January. One final shot before I turn to go home.