The Nekked Lizards

Cap & Trade anyone?

Behind the Blog curve, but found a humor clipping. Thought it would give us insight on the unbiased new coverage we now see from "journalists".

Swine Flu Part II

I've had some questions about the previous picture of Kermit laying in a pile of rubble, obviously dead. For clarification to the underlying meaning of the joke, I wish to point out a few things. I will to illustrate this by merely attaching more pictures. Please put two and two together as it will make more sense - maybe even wake you up from the dead of sleep with a renewed sense of enlightenment. Here goes....

Okay???? Everyone understand now???

Swine flu takes another victim...

Father's Day - the longest day of the year

Today is Father's Day and is afforded gifts and gratitude for their role in keeping the species going. The Nekked Lizards had originally planned an outing for the top of Pikes Peak (14,110 ft above sea level I think),but opted to remain closer to home. Poot made it home safe and sound from his rip to Yellowstone and we will relate his exploits at a later date. One of those events concerns stalking Bison (or buffalo - depending on where you live).

Instead of traveling up one of Colorado's 56 "fourteeners", we opted to take a rain ride through the Royal Gorge. Here are a few pics of our adventure. The first two are of father and son -
Poot, since his birth, has continued to get taller and has now officially surpassed my height - which is no big thing as I was never a basketball player.
The bridge itself is over 1,000 feet, spanning the gorge and the Arkansas River below. During Colorado's wild west days in the 1870s, there was a huge railroad war for the rights to the passage through the gorge and several shots were fired from rival companies. Many of these old shacks and bunkers still survive today. However, tourism eventually won out and now we have white water rafters from all over the world. See?
White water rafting is a very lucrative business - the above company has about 10 rafts in the water with 8 individuals in each boat - 80 people. Figure on at least $50 per person... Let me get my calculator out.... $4,000. Most rafting companies put in three times a day - so that is $12,000. However, there are probably over 20 different companies in this area alone so most depend upon word of mouth and repeat business. Going through the gorge could be the best 3 hours you spend....
Or you could opt for an aerial trip... What? Well yes, as we were enjoying a quiet, scenic ride on the open car admiring the courage of the tourists in the cold, fast running water - we heard an odd sound. I look up in time to see the local helicopter nut (gives rides) blasting just overhead. I snap three shots, but only got one.
It is said that over 50% of his clients throw up as soon as they get out of the aircraft and onto the ground. I haven't heard whether he has to hose down the inside or not. The other rumored statistic is that he has crashed 5 times... but apparently, he does well enough to fix up his ride and do it again....

After our trip, we took Poot home and went to another event - this one called Art on the Arkansas, but was held at the Holy Cross Abby and we listened to some jazz and sampled wine. It was fun, but began to get hot. My reign on Father's Day began its final decent. Today is the longest day of the year and tomorrow, the days will began to get shorter as we move toward winter - oh well.

I am heading outside to look into mapping out a dripper system. Doubt I get much else done (lots of wine) but I can at least look at it.... Happy Father's Day everyone (who are fathers, that is...) NLM

Thoughts on life

These funnies go around the world a few times through electronic means. I wonder if they are just as funny in Arabic or the Chinese language (in print)  - it would look funny to me...

Things children learn and somehow have put into print - ( I think they have adults as ghost writers - making up stuff that little children "think" they have learned - but then it wouldn't be as funny.. anyway...

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Some adults wrote this stuff - and live a better life because of it...

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

On growing old...

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

The stages of life...

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

The definition of success...

At age 04 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a driver's license..
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

New gaming platform.

Here is a cheap form of recreation - soon to delight children everywhere - destined to take the place of the Wii, PS3, and XBox 360. Give it a try - click on the link. Swat the Fly

Running for office

I am considering running as a write-in candidate for public office. Since city mayors only bring in about $12K to $15K a year, I thought I should seek a state office where I could make a few hundred thousand based on kickbacks and lobbying ventures. I will wait a few terms before I consider a seat in Congress. I have noticed that those at that level, representing the little people such as myself, can make a few million in just a couple of years. I am not interested in the presidency, so rest easy readers. However, know this... if I am elected to a high public office, I will seek out and comprise my associate cabinet of those faithful readers first - for advice and counsel. Then I will fill vacancies with street people, as i believe most have misunderstood gifts and survival instincts. Besides, they merely work for food.

Anyway, an email/chain letter is floating around and it is currently being credited to comedian Bill Cosby. I will relate his platform that is very similar to mine.

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language. Speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the Wal-Mart  policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put anything in it, you don't get anything out of it. Neither the president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes & Steroids. The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There are no more life sentences.  If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc. This will happen within 24 hours. That will give you time to think about it and make peace with your maker.

(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress. Hats off, left hand over heart.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. Hats off, left hand over heart.

(13) Congress listens to the people. Congress will thoroughly read bills and discuss them and let the people know what is in them in their entirely and will follow their desires.

(14) Limited congressional terms - 8 years max, then you are done and a working person again AND pays taxes. 

Thank you for your continued support for my candidacy... NLM

Followup to the bull snake...

We need to gain a little perspective from our founding fathers....

...and this is a "good" snake.

While driving down the road the other day, I almost ran over what I initially thought to be a rattlesnake. Of course to make sure, one must get a closer look - so I back up. It would appear I might have got to close to it as it coiled back and then attempted to pop my new tires. It was fast.

I was not impressed though. I needed to make sure it was not a rattlesnake. Those I have to send to never land. Bullsnakes, I let live. Why? Ha! Because bullsnakes eat rattlesnakes. Here's some scientific info:
Bullsnakes can be found throughout the central United States northern Mexico, and southern Canada. This includes the U.S. states of Arizona, California, Colorado, Idaho, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming.

That's a lot of states! There is a good chance you have seen one. Unless of course, if you live in Arkansas or Louisiana - they don't cross the state lines, because they will be road kill and eaten by the natives there....
Bullsnakes often exceed 6 feet (1.8 m) in length, and specimens of up to 100 inches (254 cm) have been recorded. This makes them among the largest US snakes.

(The idea that bull snakes occasionally eat rattlesnakes is sometimes touted as a reason for humans not to harm bull snakes when encountering them in the wild, although a better reason is the bull snake's role in controlling warm-blooded vermin such as rodents. Note that many snakes have a natural immunity to venom, just as rattlesnakes themselves are immune to their own. Some venomous snakes are being researched for the already antivenin inside their bodies to be used for medical purposes.)

So that is why I don't outright kill them - they either eat rattlesnakes and/or mice. But the only way I know for sure is to get up close and look at their eyes. Bullsnakes have round eyes, whereas rattlesnakes have the diamond-shape. Cool huh?

Yep, this one was a bullsnake. Time to go on my way. I hope the next passerby takes the time to do a thorough job in ensuring they are just not running over any ole snake.... Until next time... NLM
 

Harley after a bath.

It is hard to make him sit still, but I try. Here is the latest pic.
No this is not a shameless ploy because I dont' have anything interesting to say. I got lots. this was during the infamous power washer assembly evening. Here are other members of the family who attempted to assist me...
I still haven't ensured my washer works just yet. That will come later in the week. My priorities are to you the reader.... NLM