And I wonder how I did as it made the day almost comical if there had not been blood involved.
While at Lowe's it was Poot and my job to stay within the vehicle to keep it warm. We were discussing he Christmas Carol and the kid who is dared to stick his tongue on the metal flagpole during the intense cold. Naturally, the kid's tongue stuck and was a very funny scene. In the parking lot of Lowe's the cart return corral is made of metal piping. Poot said for some money, he would do it and lick the frozen piping.
Now as proud as I was of his new-found manly stupidity, I did not want to see him hurt and explained in detail how a piece of warm meat will freeze to an object that is subject to zero degrees. As he was almost a teenager for a full day, he assured me he knew of a way to stick his tongue on the metal and remove it without duress. Naturally, I wanted to see it. He said it would cost $20. I said, "no".
About this time, the women-folk appear from the exit of Lowe's with a basket full of space heaters. We quickly get them in the trunk and I tell Poot to put the cart up. Instead of taking the cart back into the store, he races to the cart corral. I thought he fell as he was bent over the piping. He did not fall. He ran back and jumped into the car and smiled, "I did it."
He said he had put his tongue on the pipe and was able to get it off no problem. I said he was an idiot and never do that again. He said I owed him $20. I said I did not. This went on for a period of time until I invoked the parent clause and told him he is no longer allowed to speak. After a while we made up, and he explained that if he brought up enough spit, he could release himself. I of course, said I did not believe it and again discussed warm meaty substance vs. frigid weather.
We arrived at the house and he says, "Dad, I want to show you something." So I follow. It is outside and cold and the wind is blowing off the lake. Before I could stop him, he bends over and puts his tongue on the railing by the front door. He stays there. I ask if he is alright. He mumbles and slowly shakes his head. I ask if he can get his tongue off and he whimpers. Being the medical professional I am, I act. I reach into his mouth with my fingers and find where his tongue is stuck to the bar and quickly yank the tongue off the bar, like a bandaid off a wound.
He screams. I glare at him. He has a look of shock. I am mad. The conversation is now heated and his mouth is bleeding. He mumbles he is sorry. We go into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Not too bad, but still bleeding. He will survive. I go back outside and look at the bar, - yep, there is a piece of tongue there that we left as we jerked the tongue off. The following are a few after-action pics. Not bad considering what could have happened... 
The first one is the railing along the side of the house. If you look closely, you can see a white substance midway. Here is a closeup...
This is freezer burn of partial tongue. The final picture is Poot's tongue. If you look carefully, you can match the missing pieces of his tongue with what is left on the bar.
You have my permission to show your family and friends what "not" to do in temperatures below 20 degrees. The adventures never stop! NLM
