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July 09, 2009

Children's Science Exam - take at your own risk

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers....

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. 

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (i.e. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does 'varicose' mean?
A: Nearby.  

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Cesarean Section".
A: The Cesarean Section is a district in Rome. 

Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

July 07, 2009

Why I can't blog so much...

I need a new category - and it shall be called "Projects". These are things I do other than work, sleep, school, volunteer, etc. The latest one is called, "L-a-n-d-s-c-a-p-i-n-g". This is a process homeowners do when they are tired of looking at barren earth - other than "w-e-e-d-s". I am practicing a term called "xeriscaping" which means I want things to grow without water. This is tough to do as most things that live need some sort of water. In any case, I purchased about 15 tons of various rock, because rocks need less water than most plants. Duh.
The concept behind xeriscaping is that, since you don't water (as much), you a less apt to kill something by not giving it water. This means you can go away on vacation - yeah, like that will happen - or just go about your business and sit around in your underwear if you wanted. This is of course assuming you are one who equates going outside in your underwear to water plants, then I am not talking to you. So how about some pictures of my labor?
IMG_2192 So here are the little Italian bees, all living comfortably in there little beehive. Notice how close I got to it with the rocks. I am so brave...
IMG_2185 This is looking the other way. If you sit in the swing, you are at a safe distance from the bees - I think. Notice the little rocks - then notice the big freakin' rocks...
IMG_2187
If you are sitting on the swing, you can sometimes see various wildlife about to cross the faux river. The whiskey barrel is full of seedling wildflowers. The porchc is still a mess and I plan to clean it up soon.
IMG_2186
Now you are looking at about six Poplar trees from sprigs Closer to the middle are two Aspens and an Austrian pine. Again, note the rocks... Lots of them, huh...
IMG_2188 The faux river "flows from the upper Lizard Ranch through the Aspen Valley to the forest of the Italian Bees. I like the bridge. I haven't decided whether to move the two big rocks on the left - I think they add to the appearance - breaking up the yard of rocks.
So there you have it. It is not complete as we dont' know which plants will make it and which ones won't. I installed a dripper system to water where I need to. Those pipes are under the rocks. I hope I can find them when I need to. I will provide upper deck pictures sometime. For the next few weeks, I am gonig to rest and enjoy the gnats while sitting in the swing in my underwear, drinking a beer. NLM.

July 04, 2009

The Signers of the Declaration of Independence

 CoffeyPot had sent this to his peeps through e-mail but is worth repeating as it is significant on this day. The piece was compiled by Rush Limbaugh, as I have seen various accounts of this before. It is about the birth of our nation and what our forefathers went through to create this nation of freedom and liberty. Don't let a group of idiots screw it up now. Take some time, print it if you wish, but keep in mind we are in danger of losing the very liberties our forefathers fought and died for.  

Enjoy:

It was a glorious morning. The sun was shining and the wind was from the southeast. Up especially early, a tall bony, redheaded young Virginian found time to buy a new thermometer, for which he paid three pounds, fifteen shillings. He also bought gloves for Martha, his wife, who has ill at home.
Thomas Jefferson arrived early at the statehouse. The temperature was 72.5 degrees and the horseflies weren't nearly so bad at that hour. It was a lovely room, very large, with gleaming white walls. The chairs were comfortable. Facing the single door were two brass fireplaces, but they would not be used today.

The moment the door was shut, and it was always kept locked, the room became an oven. The tall windows were shut, so that loud quarreling voices could not be heard by passersby. Small openings atop the windows allowed a slight stir of air, and also a large number of horseflies. Jefferson records that "the horseflies were dexterous in finding necks, and the silk of stocking was nothing to them." All discussion was punctuated by the slap of hands on necks.

On the wall at the back, facing the President's desk, was a panoply-consisting of a drum, swords, and banners seized from Fort Ticonderoga the previous year.Ethan Allen and Benedict Arnold had captured the place, shouting that they were taking it "in the name of the Great Jehovah and the Continental Congress!"

Now Congress got to work, promptly taking up an emergency measure about which there was discussion but no dissention. "Resolved: That an application be made to the Committee of Safety of Pennsylvania for a supply of flints for the troops at New York."

Then Congress transformed itself into a committee of the whole. The Declaration of Independence was read aloud once more, and debate resumed. Though Jefferson was the best writer of all of them, he had been somewhat verbose. Congress hacked the excess away.

They did a good job, as a side-by-side comparison of the rough draft and the final text shows. They cut the phrase "by a self-assumed power." "Climb" was replaced by "must read," then "must" was eliminated, then the whole sentence, and soon the whole paragraph was cut.

Jefferson groaned as they continued what he later called "their depredations." "Inherent and inalienable rights" came out "certain unalienable rights," and to this day no one knows who suggested the elegant change.

A total of 86 alterations were made. Almost 500 words were eliminated, leaving 1,337. At last, after three days of wrangling, the document was put to a vote.

Here in this hall Patrick Henry had once thundered: " I am no longer a Virginian, Sir, but an American." But today the loud, sometimes bitter argument stilled, and without fanfare the vote was taken from north to south by colonies, as was the custom. On July 4, 1776, the Declaration of Independence was adopted.

There were no trumpets blown. No one stood on his chair and cheered. The afternoon was waning and Congress had no thought of delaying the full calendar of routine business on its hands. For several hours they worked on many other problems before adjourning for the day.

Much To Lose
What kind of men were the 56 signers who adopted the Declaration of Independence and who, by their signing, committed an act of treason against the crown? To each of you the names Franklin, Adams, Hancock, and Jefferson are almost as familiar as household words.Most of us, however, know nothing of the other signers. Who were they? What happened to them?I imagine that many of you are somewhat surprised at the names not there: George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Patrick Henry. All were elsewhere.

Ben Franklin was the only really old man. Eighteen were under 40; three were in their 20s. Of the 56 almost half -24- were judges and lawyers. Eleven were merchants, 9 were landowners and farmers, and the remaining 12 were doctors, ministers, and politicians.

With only a few exceptions, such as Samuel Adams of Massachusetts, these were men of substantial property. All but two had families. The vast majority were men of education and standing in their communities. They had economic security as few men had in the 18th century.

Each had more to lose from revolution than he had to gain by it. John Hancock, one of the richest men in America, already had a price of 500 pounds on his head.

He signed in enormous letters so "that his Majesty could now read his name without glasses and could now double the reward." Ben Franklin wryly noted: "Indeed we must all hang together, otherwise we shall most assuredly hang separately." Fat Benjamin Harrison of Virginia told tiny Elbridge Gerry of Massachusetts: "With me it will all be over in a minute, but you , you will be dancing on air an hour after I am gone.

These men knew what they risked. The penalty for treason was death by hanging. And remember: a great British fleet was already at anchor in New York Harbor.

They were sober men. There were no dreamy-eyed intellectuals or draft card burners here. They were far from hot-eyed fanatics, yammering for an explosion.

They simply asked for the status quo. It was change they resisted. It was equality with the mother country they desired. It was taxation with representation they sought. They were all conservatives, yet they rebelled.

It was principle, not property, that had brought these men to Philadelphia. Two of them became presidents of the United States. Seven of them became state governors. One died in office as vice president of the United States. Several would go on to be U.S. Senators.

One, the richest man in America, in 1828 founded the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad. One, a delegate from Philadelphia, was the only real poet, musician and philosopher of the signers (it was he, Francis Hopkinson - not Betsy Ross who designed the United States flag).

Richard Henry Lee, A delegate from Virginia, had introduced the resolution to adopt the Declaration of Independence in June of 1776. He was prophetic in his concluding remarks:
"Why then sir, why do we longer delay? Why still deliberate? Let this happy day give birth to an American Republic. Let her arise not to devastate and to conquer but to reestablish the reign of peace and law. The eyes of Europe are fixed upon us. She demands of us a living example of freedom that may exhibit a contrast in the felicity of the citizen to the ever increasing tyranny which desolates her polluted shores. She invites us to prepare an asylum where the unhappy may find solace, and the persecuted repost. If we are not this day wanting in our duty, the names of the American Legislatures of 1776 will be placed by posterity at the side of all of those whose memory has been and ever will be dear to virtuous men and good citizens."

Though the resolution was formally adopted July 4, it was not until July 8 that two of the states authorized their delegates to sign, and it was not until August 2, that the signers met at Philadelphia to actually put their names to the Declaration.

William Ellery, delegate from Rhode Island, was curious to see the signers' faces as they committed this supreme act of personal courage. He saw some men sign quickly, "but in no face was he able to discern real fear."

Stephan Hopkins, Ellery's colleague from Rhode Island, was a man past 60. As he signed with a shaking pen, he declared: "My hand trembles, but my heart does not."

"Most glorious service"

Even before the list was published, the British marked down every member of Congress suspected of having put his name to treason. All of them became the objects of vicious manhunts. Some were taken. Some, like Jefferson, had narrow escapes. All who had property or families near British strongholds suffered.

- Francis Lewis, New York delegate saw his home plundered and his estates in what is now Harlem, completely destroyed by British soldiers. Mrs. Lewis was captured and treated with great brutality. Though she was later exchanged for two British prisoners though the efforts of Congress she died from the effects of her abuse.

- William Floyd, another New York delegate, was able to escape with his wife and children across Long Island Sound to Connecticut, where they lived as refugees without income for seven years. When they came home they found a devastated ruin.

- Philips Livingstone had all his great holdings in New York confiscated and his family driven out of their home. Livingstone died in 1778 still working in Congress for the cause.

- Louis Morris, the fourth New York delegate, saw all his timber, crops, and livestock taken. For seven years he was barred from his home and family.

- John Hart of Trenton, New Jersey, risked his life to return home to see his dying wife. Hessian soldiers rode after him, and he escaped in the woods. While his wife lay on her deathbed, the soldiers ruined his farm and wrecked his homestead. Hart, 65, slept in caves and woods as he was hunted across the countryside. When at long last, emaciated by hardship, he was able to sneak home, he found his wife had already been buried, and his 13 children taken away. He never saw them again. He died a broken man in 1779, without ever finding his family.

- Dr. John Witherspoon, signer, was president of the College of New Jersey, later called Princeton. The British occupied the town of Princeton, and billeted troops in the college. They trampled and burned the finest college library in the country.

- Judge Richard Stockton, another New Jersey delegate signer, had rushed back to his estate in an effort to evacuate his wife and children. The family found refuge with friends, but a Tory sympathizer betrayed them. Judge Stockton was pulled from bed in the night and brutally beaten by the arresting soldiers. Thrown into a common jail, he was deliberately starved. Congress finally arranged for Stockton's parole, but his health was ruined. The judge was released as an invalid, when he could no longer harm the British cause. He returned home to find his estate looted and did not live to see the triumph of the revolution. His family was forced to live off charity.

- Robert Morris, merchant prince of Philadelphia, delegate and signer, met Washington's appeals and pleas for money year after year. He made and raised arms and provisions which made it possible for Washington to cross the Delaware at Trenton. In the process he lost 150 ships at sea, bleeding his own fortune and credit almost dry.

- George Clymer, Pennsylvania signer, escaped with his family from their home, but their property was completely destroyed by the British in the Germantown and Brandywine campaigns.

- Dr. Benjamin Rush, also from Pennsylvania, was forced to flee to Maryland. As a heroic surgeon with the army, Rush had several narrow escapes.

- John Martin, a Tory in his views previous to the debate, lived in a strongly loyalist area of Pennsylvania. When he came out for independence, most of his neighbors and even some of his relatives ostracized him. He was a sensitive and troubled man, and many believed this action killed him. When he died in 1777, his last words to his tormentors were: "Tell them that they will live to see the hour when they shall acknowledge it [the signing] to have been the most glorious service that I have ever rendered to my country."

- William Ellery, Rhode Island delegate, saw his property and home burned to the ground.

- Thomas Lynch, Jr., South Carolina delegate, had his health broken from privation and exposures while serving as a company commander in the military. His doctors ordered him to seek a cure in the West Indies and on the voyage he and his young bride were drowned at sea.

- Edward Rutledge, Arthur Middleton, and Thomas Heyward, Jr., the other three South Carolina signers, were taken by the British in the siege of Charleston. They were carried as prisoners of war to St. Augustine, Florida, where they were singled out for indignities. They were exchanged at the end of the war, the British in the meantime having completely devastated their large landholdings and estates.

- Thomas Nelson, signer of Virginia, was at the front in command of the Virginia military forces. With British General Charles Cornwallis in Yorktown, fire from 70 heavy American guns began to destroy Yorktown piece by piece. Lord Cornwallis and his staff moved their headquarters into Nelson's palatial home. While American cannonballs were making a shambles of the town, the house of Governor Nelson remained untouched. Nelson turned in rage to the American gunners and asked, "Why do you spare my home?" They replied, "Sir, out of respect to you." Nelson cried, "Give me the cannon!" and fired on his magnificent home himself, smashing it to bits. But Nelson's sacrifice was not quite over. He had raised $2 million for the Revolutionary cause by pledging his own estates. When the loans came due, a newer peacetime Congress refused to honor them, and Nelson's property was forfeited. He was never reimbursed. He died, impoverished, a few years later at the age of 50.

Lives, fortunes, honor
Of those 56 who signed the Declaration of Independence, nine died of wounds or hardships during the war. Five were captured and imprisoned, in each case with brutal treatment. Several lost wives, sons or entire families. One lost his 13 children. Two wives were brutally treated. All were at one time or another the victims of manhunts and driven from their homes.

Twelve signers had their homes completely burned.

Seventeen lost everything they owned. Yet not one defected or went back on his pledged word. Their honor, and the nation they sacrificed so much to create is still intact.

And, finally, there is the New Jersey Signer, Abraham Clark.
He gave two sons to the officer corps in the Revolutionary Army. They were captured and sent to that infamous British prison hulk afloat in New York Harbor known as the hell ship "Jersey," where 11,000 American captives were to die. The younger Clarks were treated with a special brutality because of their father.

One was put in solitary and given no food. With the end almost in sight with the war almost won, no one could have blamed Abraham Clark for acceding to the British request when they offered him his sons' lives if he would recant and come out for the King and Parliament. The utter despair in this man's heart, the anguish in his very soul, must reach out to each and one of us down through 200 years with the answer: "No."

The 56 signers of the Declaration of Independence proved by their every deed that they made no idle boast when they composed the most magnificent curtain line in history. "And for the support of this Declaration with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor."

HT: Rush Limbaugh

July 03, 2009

Fast food and Boycotting McDonald's

I am boycotting McDonald's. Yes, it is an icon and billions of kids, teens and adults eat trillions of Big Macs, McThis and McThat, but these are the economic times where I want a trusting relationship with a fast food restaurant - and not some advertising gimmick that compels me to pull of the road and wait in line in anticipation.
Okay here is the deal. I was thirsty. McDonald's offers a XL sweet tea for $1.00. That is close to getting a Route 44 Coke at Sonic during their 2-4pm happy hour! I think, well, might as well eat something too. SO I pull through the drive-thru and see a combo meal with the tea advertised. It was $5.34. A good deal huh - with a BigMac, fries and a XL tea. I make sure that it is mustard only as I am not into mixing pickles, ketcup, special sauce, etc. on one sandwich - just meat and cheese for me. I get to the window and the price jumped $2. - from the order sign, to the "first" window.
It was now $6.89. How can that be? And I asked that of the young foreign national who replied in broken English, "the value meals are in themselves good deals and therefore we cannot add the $1.00 sweet tea to the already excellent price..." - so in general, the $1 shot up to $2., which put me in a higher food tax bracket.... (A well-practiced speech by the way - I assume I was not the only one).
Oh... get this. If I purchased all of the items separately, I could get the tea for $1.00. A quick calculation puts the price about the same - some savings. Well, I am screwed and cars are lining up behind me. So I ask for napkins (which were not in the bag) and some ketcup (which was not in the bag).
"The condiments are $.32 each" a small, heavily pierced young girl replies. No condiments? Argh!!
This is too much. I drive around the other side, wanting more napkins - and complain to the inside personnel about the tea price. Same answer. I do it for pride nothing else - I know Ronald is sitting back somewhere laughing. As I leave though, I notice three bins of condiments - full. Is this a conspiracy against the drive-thru patrons? I grab a hand full of ketcup and stuff them in my pocket and walk proudly out the door.
So there you go. At the cost of $.32 each, I think I made of with over $3.00 worth of ketcup. I thought about hanging out at the end of the drive-thru and handing them out - shouting "No more tyranny!" but figured I better get on the road. I will no longer partake in McDonald's schemes to lure me into their web of deceit. I will go elsewhere.... but it was a long drive back home, so before I get on the road, I needed a bathroom break - well, since I was already here.... NLM

July 01, 2009

A sonic boom

I thought this was cool.
Bonic-big

June 30, 2009

Cap & Trade anyone?

Behind the Blog curve, but found a humor clipping. Thought it would give us insight on the unbiased new coverage we now see from "journalists".
Sprc090630[1]

June 24, 2009

Swine Flu Part II

I've had some questions about the previous picture of Kermit laying in a pile of rubble, obviously dead. For clarification to the underlying meaning of the joke, I wish to point out a few things. I will to illustrate this by merely attaching more pictures. Please put two and two together as it will make more sense - maybe even wake you up from the dead of sleep with a renewed sense of enlightenment. Here goes....
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Okay???? Everyone understand now???

June 22, 2009

Swine flu takes another victim...

Securedownload

June 21, 2009

Father's Day - the longest day of the year

Today is Father's Day and is afforded gifts and gratitude for their role in keeping the species going. The Nekked Lizards had originally planned an outing for the top of Pikes Peak (14,110 ft above sea level I think),but opted to remain closer to home. Poot made it home safe and sound from his rip to Yellowstone and we will relate his exploits at a later date. One of those events concerns stalking Bison (or buffalo - depending on where you live).

Instead of traveling up one of Colorado's 56 "fourteeners", we opted to take a rain ride through the Royal Gorge. Here are a few pics of our adventure. The first two are of father and son -
IMG_2132 IMG_2134 Poot, since his birth, has continued to get taller and has now officially surpassed my height - which is no big thing as I was never a basketball player.
IMG_2143 The bridge itself is over 1,000 feet, spanning the gorge and the Arkansas River below. During Colorado's wild west days in the 1870s, there was a huge railroad war for the rights to the passage through the gorge and several shots were fired from rival companies. Many of these old shacks and bunkers still survive today. However, tourism eventually won out and now we have white water rafters from all over the world. See?
IMG_2150 White water rafting is a very lucrative business - the above company has about 10 rafts in the water with 8 individuals in each boat - 80 people. Figure on at least $50 per person... Let me get my calculator out.... $4,000. Most rafting companies put in three times a day - so that is $12,000. However, there are probably over 20 different companies in this area alone so most depend upon word of mouth and repeat business. Going through the gorge could be the best 3 hours you spend....
IMG_2164 Or you could opt for an aerial trip... What? Well yes, as we were enjoying a quiet, scenic ride on the open car admiring the courage of the tourists in the cold, fast running water - we heard an odd sound. I look up in time to see the local helicopter nut (gives rides) blasting just overhead. I snap three shots, but only got one.
IMG_2157 It is said that over 50% of his clients throw up as soon as they get out of the aircraft and onto the ground. I haven't heard whether he has to hose down the inside or not. The other rumored statistic is that he has crashed 5 times... but apparently, he does well enough to fix up his ride and do it again....

After our trip, we took Poot home and went to another event - this one called Art on the Arkansas, but was held at the Holy Cross Abby and we listened to some jazz and sampled wine. It was fun, but began to get hot. My reign on Father's Day began its final decent. Today is the longest day of the year and tomorrow, the days will began to get shorter as we move toward winter - oh well.

I am heading outside to look into mapping out a dripper system. Doubt I get much else done (lots of wine) but I can at least look at it.... Happy Father's Day everyone (who are fathers, that is...) NLM

June 20, 2009

Thoughts on life

These funnies go around the world a few times through electronic means. I wonder if they are just as funny in Arabic or the Chinese language (in print)  - it would look funny to me...

Things children learn and somehow have put into print - ( I think they have adults as ghost writers - making up stuff that little children "think" they have learned - but then it wouldn't be as funny.. anyway...

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Some adults wrote this stuff - and live a better life because of it...

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground..
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

On growing old...

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional..
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

The stages of life...

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

The definition of success...

At age 04 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a driver's license..
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

July 2009

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    All writing, photography, artwork, graphics, and other stuff on this blogsite really shouldn't have need to go anywhere else, but in case you want to use it, just ask us for permission first. So in official terms, no reproduction without our consent. E-mail us at NekkedLizards